Newcastle book tour event

CW: mentions of CSA, SA, EA, trauma

Shell song

Spring song

Notes from my panel appearance¹

Question 1:
Why did you participate in The Loud Way Home? Why did it matter to you?

First, because I was lucky enough to be selected! I applied because I wanted the opportunity to write more about, and continue to heal from, my experiences of SA² as a child and as an adult. I know from experience that collaborating with others always improves my writing, and this project was no exception.

Question 2:
Can you tell us a little bit about your creative process and how you were feeling through creating your pieces?

I actually wrote the first of my pieces, Shell Song, in response to one of the prompts from the writing workshop ACON put on for all the contributors. One of the options was to write about our relationship with our body, which turned out to be very fertile ground for me.

After the workshop I worked on that piece quite a bit more and deliberately wrote a second poem, Spring Song, with a more positive slant. I tend to use a thesaurus when redrafting my work, I find that helpful. At various points I got both my amanuensis,³ and a close friend who is also a poet and book editor (like myself),⁴ to read the poems and give input. Then I revised some more on my own.

The ACON editors⁵ gave me some really helpful pointers on my polished draft. I was completely terrified during that process, such that I could barely nod, in case they were going to be strong in their critique. I have pretty bad RSD⁶ and was also depressed at the time of the feedback session. They were thankfully very gentle, reassuring me that I could choose to ignore all of their suggestions if I wanted.

Questions 3 & 4:
What are you hoping people take away from reading The Loud Way Home?
If you could give one message to any LGBTQ+ victim-survivors in this room, what would it be?

I’m hoping readers find something, as I did, that will shift their focus and make them see their experiences in a new way; or make something click; or even to realise that something that happened to them was not OK—and stop blaming themselves for how things have turned out in their life.

I’d like you to take time processing your response to the book,⁷ and start to recover. Working with the other creatives on this project has been such a joy; they’re all such amazing, talented individuals. There are pieces in this book that I really need my family to read. Things that I was too afraid or not aware enough to write myself but that I utterly and completely relate to.

You are not to blame. People might try to make you feel responsible, or guilty. Do NOT fall for it. I’ve felt guilt and shame every day for 40 years and been repressed all my life about my sexuality … all because of some things that should not have happened to me in my early childhood. And because of how it was dealt with, which I honestly believe was more harmful than the actual events.⁸

The guilt and shame and silence stop for me now. And you can reframe whatever happened to you, too. You might not be ready to speak out, but you can still start to heal and grow around the scars, learning to love yourself.

We’re here for you and you’re not alone. There are survivor groups and individuals everywhere. We need each other. Find community, whatever that looks like for you.

Also, CONSENT⁹ is a thing. Learn about it. Teach your children about it. There’s much more to it than you may realise.

1. Hamish Whelan facilitated the panel, superbly. ↩︎
2. By SA I mean Sexual Abuse or Sexual Assault. ↩︎
3. Elly Belfort-Mattos. An amanuensis is someone who helps a great deal with the writing process, often without being a writer themselves. Sometimes they are also a muse and inspiration. The help can be practical, such as typing, and/or in terms of feedback on content, style etc. I call Elly my amanuensis because for several years (continuing after de-escalation) she has unfailingly read every single piece I write, offering praise, affirmation, wisdom and suggestions on all levels. ↩︎
4. Jessica Perini, legend. ↩︎
5. Jade Parker, Adrian Mouhajer and Hamish Whelan. The best of people. Thank you. ↩︎
6. RSD = Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, which is often experienced by neurodivergent individuals at the slightest hint of criticism. ↩︎
7. A full pdf of the book is available at https://sayitoutloud.org.au/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/Loud_Way_Home_Book_Online.pdf?state=NT, and hard copies are freely available from ACON in Sydney—and around the state. ↩︎
8. I do not blame them; they were only doing what they thought best. We are all a product of our own upbringing, life experience and trauma. ↩︎
9. https://www.consent.gov.au/ seems helpful. ↩︎